Remembering Daddy

It's been 25 years! It was March 14, 1982 -- a different world and I was a different person. When did everything change?

On March 14, 1982, I was a young bride, married not quite a year. Nobody owned a personal computer or a cell phone. There were no DVD players; VCRs and Beta players would shortly be on the scene. On television MTV had just gotten started and people talked about music videos maybe being the wave of the future. We watched 'Dallas' on tv. The Soviet Union was alive and well. Our country still bore the scars of Watergate; Ronald Reagan was the President and though we hadn't yet heard the phrase, it was morning in America.

I remember coming home from work on Friday, March 12. I was so glad it was Friday and so looking forward to a quiet night at home! The phone rang; it was my brother Gerry with the news that Mom and Daddy had been in an auto accident and Daddy was hurt pretty badly. Curtis was at work that evening, so Gerry picked me up and we drove from Orange County, California out to Loma Linda Hospital near San Bernardino.

We sat for hours waiting for news! I remember SCTV was playing some late night thing that made us hysterical with laughter as we waited to talk to the doctor. We dozed, we hit the vending machine for the very slim pickings. Finally the doctor came in. Daddy was critical and only time would tell. We left in the wee hours of Saturday and went to Mom's house. She was bruised and dazed.

Saturday and Sunday we drove back and forth to the hospital with Mom. Daddy was awake, had a breathing tube and quite agitated. Curtis joined us at some point. Sunday afternoon, March 14, we returned to Mom's house and were getting ready to head back to Orange County for the work week. Just as we were about to go out the door, the phone rang. It was the hospital telling us to come. "Drive safely, but get here as quickly as you can." By the time we arrived, Daddy was gone.

It didn't compute! The man was the ground where my life had its roots. He had a history of heart trouble and had been near death several times, but he always pulled through. It hadn't occurred to me that after almost 2 days he would die from this! We were numb. I remember going down in the elevator afterwards and a couple of kids got on who were laughing and having fun. I thought -- "Oh -- yeah! Real life..." It was comforting because we felt like we were suspended in some kind of unreal place.

Daddy was the first man I ever adored, of course! But my obesity drove a wedge between us. He wanted me to be fit and healthy. I remember when I was in 8th grade, he offered me $100 for a new wardrobe (in 1962 that would have been plenty) if I could get to 120 pounds. I never got there until many years after he died, though I came close a few times! Throughout my teen years, he paid for diet doctors and exercise programs and other sundry cures in hope of my becoming thin. I know my obesity worried him, and though he tried to not let me know it, I know he was ashamed of his fat daughter too. I took that shame upon myself. Bottom line though -- he loved me, and dreamed of the best for me!

He never met my children, Brian and Laura. How he would have adored them! Laura would have reminded him of his mother, who died when he was a young boy. I wonder if he would have remembered that August 19th, the day Laura was born, was also his mother's birthday! I never learned that until just a few years ago.

He never saw me conquer my obesity. But I did conquer it, Daddy! When last you saw me, I was a pudgy young bride; now I'm a fit middle aged mom. I love my children as you loved me and my heart is battered with pride, torment, heartbreak on account of that love. I blame myself for their problems; I pray for their safety and wellbeing. I understand -- now -- what you felt, and I forgive you for any hurt you caused me.

Twenty-five years are gone! My belief is that I'll see him again in some better place. Until then, may he rest in peace. He'll live always in my heart.

The Blizzard of 2007

Or ... How I Discovered I am NOT Meant for Colder Climates!!!


On Thursday, March 1, I saw my very first bonafide blizzard. If I never see another one, I'll be just fine, thanks!

Last weekend was pretty well ruined for me because we had about 5" of snow. I was on call for work and had to help staff shifts that people were calling in for. So, instead of sitting by my fire on a Saturday evening watching the pretty snow fall, I was on the phone trying to talk people into going out in it to take jobs. No fun. But by Sunday morning, the melt began and the weather guys said smooth sailing for the forseeable future.

By Monday, another warm day with more melting, the weather guys said we might catch the tail end of a weather system come the middle of the week. It might be rain or a rain/snow mixture, depending on just how the system came together. As the week went on the talk became more ominous and by Wednesday morning, we were expecting rain changing to ice changing to snow to the tune of 4 -- 6 inches. The wind would cut down on visibility. It was supposed to hit Wednesday night.

So Thursday morning I got up around 4 to work out as I always do. I glanced outside and saw just a dusting of new snow, and it wasn't doing anything else. But by the time I got done with my workout, it was coming down hard sideways! I showered, looked out again and it was piling up fast. Like the winter weenie I am, I decided to call in for work -- something I hadn't done in more than 2 years.

Weather guys were still saying 5-8 inches by this time. But it was coming down hard and fast and by 9am some places already had 9 inches. And it was still coming down!

Laura happened to be off work that day. Brian's was cancelled, but Curtis had gone ahead on in. Around noon, his company as well as many others, decided to close and dismiss. So he had to fight his way home on roads he couldn't even see! He made it, but got stuck in the alleyway behind the house.

The snow stopped around 1-ish. We had more than a foot on the ground. And the roads were totally impassable.

Friday I SO wanted to call in again! But I sucked it up. The roads were horrible and more snow was expected. The wind was still high too. However, it went well for me. Though snow was spitting all day long, I was able to get home alright. However, shortly after I got home a snow squall passed through with almost whiteout conditions! It was gone within 20 minutes, but I knew Curtis and Brian were out in it. They made it home safely.

I thought we were through it until just after 8. Laura was due home from work. About 8:20 she called; she was in the alleyway and stuck. Curtis went down to try to help, but she got impatient and managed to break the clutch! So her car was blocking the alley. We called AAA; they said it might be 14 hours before they could get to us! I could just see the cops coming out and impounding the thing... But AAA came around 5 in the morning. And it's going to cost plenty to replace that clutch.

So -- my emotional reaction was not what I would want. I tend to feel that the storms of winter are aimed right at me. Stupid of course! But when that clutch broke I just fell apart. Oh, I had so had it with winter and snow and spinning tires and the awful sound they make! And with the fear of going out in it and getting stuck -- they spoke on the news of people who were stuck for HOURS on the road! And with the fear of getting in an accident and getting hurt. And with the HORRIBLE fear of being safe at home and knowing somebody I love is still out there battling to get home. I just fell apart, fretted most of the night and didn't sleep well at all.

I need to get some perspective on this. We've been here 9 years now and have dealt with winter before this. It's often inconvenient. But, in Tennessee we dealt with winter as well. The winters aren't as harsh there, but they can't cope with it as well when it does come. Just a few inches of snow can shut the town down! We also dealt with severe spring weather -- we do that here as well! In California we dealt with flooding and earthquakes. And God-awful traffic! This has been vastly inconvenient and nothing like the romantic winters I envisioned when I lived in the warmer climates. However, we remain safe, healthy and together. I call that a blessing. I need to enjoy that blessing while I still have it! Who knows how long I'll have it?

That same day a tornado struck a high school in Enterprise, Alabama. Children died, families were struck from nowhere with a devastating blow they never saw coming. It happens every day! I have to embrace my blessings -- even if I do have to pay for a broken clutch. I have my home, my family. And a winter wonderland! (well, I'm not embracing that particular blessing)

It's March now. Winter's days are numbered. I hope there is little if any snow left for us! I heard on the news that the Sandhill Cranes have begun their annual spring migration -- I hope it's because they sense that it's safe to come back.

And by the time I go to work tomorrow, the major roads will be pretty well back to normal. A blessing! While I sit in the morning rush, I'll embrace it.