The New Year's Eve Fiasco
I always have high hopes for a new year, particularly when the old year was not such a good one. 2006 was one of the most stressful years I ever had! So I faced 2007 with hope that perhaps the sunshine would come back soon.
On New Year's eve, my daughter Laura snuck out of the house and went to a party. She is 19 and on probation for DUI. We missed her after about 15 minutes and tried to call her. She didn't answer for quite awhile; when she finally did she told us where she was and that she would be back "whenever". Of course I was furious! Needless to say, 2006 ended with yet another sleep-deprived night.
When I came down to work out on New Year's morning, she was passed out on the sofa, dead drunk. I tried to get her to go upstairs, and she jumped up, started breakfast for herself and raged at me, calling me a "crazy bitch". I know it was liquor talking, so I tried to ignore her and started my workout.
Then she started sneering at me. She said I was a joke and looked stupid. I was doing a step workout -- one of my favorites, in fact -- and she was making all these mean remarks in the background. I almost lost my concentration and tripped a couple of times.
I kept everything together until she finally went upstairs. When I finished the workout, I collapsed in tears -- not because of the stupid stuff she said, of course, but because she was so cruel and obviously hates me so much. My husband came in and wrapped me in his arms, sweaty though I was!
Later on when she was sobered up, I told her that what she said was very cruel and that if she really hates me so much, she should move out. She claimed not remember saying those things and claimed she does not hate me. That night she left me a beautiful note, apologizing for what she said, assuring me she is proud of me for the way I work out and that she hates only herself. It would have meant something to me to get a note like that not too long ago!
But I have detached myself from her since then. I love her with all my heart. I would kick her out of the house, but honestly she doesn't have anywhere to go and I would never be able to live with myself if I kicked her out and something horrible happened to her. So all I can do is hold on, knowing that once she gets through her legal stuff, she'll want to get away from us as much as I want her to leave! We can sign the car over to her (once she gets her license back) so we won't be legally liable for anything she does and let her live her life whatever way she wants to live it.
She has been on her good behavior since the New Year's eve fiasco. But I don't believe anything she says and I haven't even gotten into all the hassles her eating disorder are causing for us! Home is no longer a haven for me! There is no safe place.
Anyway, 2007 is off to a poor start -- but I choose to believe the sunshine is out there somewhere. May it come soon!
On New Year's eve, my daughter Laura snuck out of the house and went to a party. She is 19 and on probation for DUI. We missed her after about 15 minutes and tried to call her. She didn't answer for quite awhile; when she finally did she told us where she was and that she would be back "whenever". Of course I was furious! Needless to say, 2006 ended with yet another sleep-deprived night.
When I came down to work out on New Year's morning, she was passed out on the sofa, dead drunk. I tried to get her to go upstairs, and she jumped up, started breakfast for herself and raged at me, calling me a "crazy bitch". I know it was liquor talking, so I tried to ignore her and started my workout.
Then she started sneering at me. She said I was a joke and looked stupid. I was doing a step workout -- one of my favorites, in fact -- and she was making all these mean remarks in the background. I almost lost my concentration and tripped a couple of times.
I kept everything together until she finally went upstairs. When I finished the workout, I collapsed in tears -- not because of the stupid stuff she said, of course, but because she was so cruel and obviously hates me so much. My husband came in and wrapped me in his arms, sweaty though I was!
Later on when she was sobered up, I told her that what she said was very cruel and that if she really hates me so much, she should move out. She claimed not remember saying those things and claimed she does not hate me. That night she left me a beautiful note, apologizing for what she said, assuring me she is proud of me for the way I work out and that she hates only herself. It would have meant something to me to get a note like that not too long ago!
But I have detached myself from her since then. I love her with all my heart. I would kick her out of the house, but honestly she doesn't have anywhere to go and I would never be able to live with myself if I kicked her out and something horrible happened to her. So all I can do is hold on, knowing that once she gets through her legal stuff, she'll want to get away from us as much as I want her to leave! We can sign the car over to her (once she gets her license back) so we won't be legally liable for anything she does and let her live her life whatever way she wants to live it.
She has been on her good behavior since the New Year's eve fiasco. But I don't believe anything she says and I haven't even gotten into all the hassles her eating disorder are causing for us! Home is no longer a haven for me! There is no safe place.
Anyway, 2007 is off to a poor start -- but I choose to believe the sunshine is out there somewhere. May it come soon!
posted by Judy W. @ 8:49 AM
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